Doug Kreitzberg

Unsubscribe

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Spent this weekend unsubscribing from a bunch of emails I had been getting. Feels good. Kind of like pruning.

As a New Years resolution, I want to focus on unsubscribing from a lot of things — both online and offline — that clutter up my life and distract me from what is truly important. There’s junk email, certainly, then TV, then junk food. But I also want to unsubscribe from negative and petty thoughts and negative and petty people. It’s easy to wallow in irksomeness, but how valuable is that? Not much. Just junk emotions.

Sometimes, to be who you want to be, you have to pare back.

What should you unsubscribe from?

And having done that, what have you discovered about yourself that you subscribe to?

I Believe, I Believe

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natalie_wood13

This time of year is year of many things. For me this time of year is a celebration of the best of who we are. We are, indeed, an amalgam of Giving, Receiving, Joy, Family, Community, all of which makes up this wonderful Holiday Spirit. In addition to, and perhaps at the core of who we truly are, is the greatest human gift of the season: belief.

Beliefs form the basis for how we view ourselves and therefore how we view the world. To say that they “are the greatest gift” is an expression of the power they bring, not to the quality of the belief: indeed there are beliefs which can be far destructive (e.g. prejudices) or just plain wrong (e.g. “The World is Flat”).

But this time of year, the focus is on belief in the best aspects of ourselves and each other. And when we take the time to focus on these positive beliefs, we also begin to imagine what life would be like if we acted on those beliefs. This is the one time of the year when we give ourselves permission to imagine the impossible from the positive possibilities that exist within us, when we can shake the cobwebs of those negative beliefs in which we often find ourselves trapped to reveal that, hey, we are not that bad, that there is still wonder and joy within us and that can be powerful enough to be someone special in the year ahead.

This a time to celebrate your own rebirth. In the dead of winter, the seeds of possibility are planted and nurtured by belief. Celebrate who you are. Believe it.

What’s stopping you?

Atentional

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I am heading this morning to a budget meeting. If nothing else, budget meetings are full of intentions. Plans, Analysis, Forecasts, Strategies, Objectives, Tactics. Everything is triple-checked and rehearsed.

All of this is necessary. We need goals, we need plans, we need to understand what trends are out there and project how we will perform against or with them. We need to have a disciplined approach to help align our teams and make sure that we are focused on the right things that will produce the results we want.

All of this is necessary. Yet it is not enough. When we are putting together budgets, we are drawing a picture of the Future while looking squarely in the Past. We say, “this is what the Future is” and then look to what we have done to see how we will perform. That works perfectly if the Future is, indeed, the Past. But how often does that happen?

Somewhere in our plans, we need to account for the unplan. An unplan is not what you do when your plans don’t work. An unplan is what you do when you are aware of an opportunity or challenge that wasn’t contemplated in your plans, at all. These unplans can only exist if you are prepared, but more importantly, if you are aware of them. And, these unplans can be a great source of innovation that can either lead to success or stave off failure.

So, I propose that we need to have to ways of seeing or acting in the World. One, we need to see and act with intention; we need to have goals and a sense of direction and focus. At the same time, once we have set those plans into motion, we need to see and act “atentionally”; not in unintentional ways, but consciously focused beyond intention, to be aware of changes that are going on in the macro context, with your staff, with your customers, with the environment, with how relationships are shaped and nurtured. Being “atentional” is being continuously curious.

And, when you combine your goals with your curiousity, you breath life into your plans and they can take on an energy that you could not have contemplated when you just looked backwards.

So, good luck to all those working on budgets for next year. But keep in mind that sometimes the right forecast is in front of you on the spreadsheet, but in front of you when you consciously put the spreadsheet down and look both within yourself and outside the world around you.

Put a Lift in Your Daily Step

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Found an app that I really like. It’s called Lift and it helps you track daily goals. Think of it as a habit creator. Key in things that you do or want to do each day and you are able to track your progress. Some goals (like stick to diet) are not unique and so there are obviously a lot of people tracking them; Lift lets the group know when you hit your goal for the day and occasionally you get props from someone for carrying through. No Marine Drill Instructor calls you out for not doing something, but you might get a message the next day asking if there is something you can do today to help you hit your target.

It took me about a month to settle in on my goals. To date they include: reading; jotting down 50 ideas (after James Altucher); Floss; Stick to diet (note: failed this one over Thanksgiving); Journal Writing; Deep Knee Bends. So far, I’ve been most successful at the deep knee bends and the journal writing. I just got back into reading, so I’m feeling good about that. Diet and floss are hit or miss but I intend to get these on track and the 50 ideas are something I’ve just added, so Film at 11 on that.

The key is to do something each day until it becomes a habit. Change is not difficult. Persistence is what is hard. Apps like Lift can help to keep your goals top of mind.

Treats are for the Dogs

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This is my puppy, Juno. She is learning a new command, “Go to bed”. If she goes to her bed and lies down, she gets a treat. It works, but she has a short attention span; if I don’t continually give her treats while she is in bed, she’ll get up and move on. Some times, she get’s up because she knows I will tell her to “Go to Bed” and she will get a treat.  Sometimes she goes to bed without me saying anything, and looks at me, expecting a treat.

The goal is for her to go to bed at the phrase “Go to Bed” without any treats and to stay there.  We have a ways to go.

Sometimes we do the same thing when we market products.  We focus on the incentive to draw them in and then presume that they will buy what we have.  This is an age old method (should I say trick?) and incentives have worked.

But there are two problems with incentives.  One is that the quality of your customer is not the same as someone who responded to your ad or offer of the product itself;  individuals who are drawn to you via incentives may just as easily be drawn away from you to some other bigger incentive.  And certainly, they don’t have the same emotional attachment to the product which will make them less likely to buy from you or recommend you to someone else (unless they like incentives, too).

The other problem is that consumers are not responding to offers as they used to.  They are more often searching online and what they are looking for are not gimmicks, but products.  And the products they will choose will be those that have (for the most part) been validated by others.

So, if you want to incent people to buy your product, invest in the product itself.  Make sure it has value and get the buyers to comment on the product so that it creates a sense of trust that what you say you are offering actually exists.

In other words, if you want people to “Go to Bed” don’t focus on the treats;  build a better bed.

Graduation Day

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I had a son once, named Alex. My wife and I were excited that a son was on his way and we could not help telling everyone. My wife’s mother even knitted a Christmas stocking, inscribed “Alex”, in preparation.

My sister was also happy for us, but she was also happy with her own child which was due shortly. And, six weeks before my son was due, I became a proud Uncle to my Nephew, who my sister named…..Alex.

Now I come from a family who never could order the same dish at a restaurant; even if you knew this would be your last meal and you desperately wanted NY Strip, if someone else at the table ordered NY Strip, you’d go for the Monkfish. So, of course, we had to do a quick change and my son, Alexander John, became John Alexander.

But there was the matter of the stocking. My mother-in-law offered to change the name, but we decided to leave it the way it is. So, from my son’s first Christmas to last year, he’d fish out his Christmas gifts from Alex’s stocking.

As you can see, John had an identity crisis from the get-go. And he is certainly not alone. Growing up for any kid is enough of an identity crisis itself; you are exposed to media versions of how people should dress, behave and believe, you’re American Idolized into thinking that success doesn’t come as much from within as from 10 million text messages and if that weren’t enough, you have to endure the horrible middle school years of trying to fit in to one of the popular/jock/nerd/goth/fill-in-the-blank-here cliques that divide most school cafeterias and school yards.

So, I have to admit that I was a little skeptical when, four years ago, John’s new high school principal said that he wanted the incoming class, to be, above everything else, themselves. No artifice, no idealized image, no cliques.

But the principal was right. Over the past four years, my son has explored who he is, the gifts that he has and the person (or persons) he may choose to become. And, as my son took his journey, I followed with him, not in lock step (because I knew he had to take this journey by himself) but behind slightly, somewhat like a shadow that grows and deepens as the image itself grows in stature and confidence.

What I learned about my son was that high school certainly developed his mind but it also gave him the opportunity to discover that his true self came through his heart. As he become more self-aware, so to did he expand his generosity of spirit, his kindness, his blindness to personal differences. And has this grew, as his heart grew, more people were touched by him and when they were touched, their hearts grew as well.

I have to admit that as I’ve seen my son grow, my heart has been also touched and has been strengthened. The poet, William Wordsworth, writes that “The Child is the Father of the Man”, and while he describes another context, I can certainly say that my child has “fathered” me to see the world in different ways, myself in different ways, and the undeniable connection between the two.

So on this, my son’s graduation day, the gift I give to you the gift my son has given me – to challenge yourself to seek the good in others and that, by doing so, they will do the good that you seek. And, in the meantime, draw a picture of the images of yourself that you’ve created over the years and put it out there, like a Christmas stocking with someone else’s name on it, so you can see it clearly and be grateful for how far you’ve come.

Thanks, John.

Fear

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We have in our house a large basket of computer, phone, ipod and other cables. When we need to charge something and we can’t find the cable, we have to hunt through the basket. It’s a daunting task. We really don’t know what half these cables are for, or if the device that they are supposed to plug into still exists. But we’re afraid to throw out a cable, because we believe that once we do, the next day we will need it.

And, actually, the cables have outgrown the basket. We now have a basket and a grocery bag stuffed full of cables, power adaptors and even a few (computer) mice. Give us a few years and you won’t be able to find us in the house because of all the wires.

Fear is a lot like our basket (and bag) of cables. Through our life, we accumulate a lot of experiences and develop a set of reactions to these experiences. Sometimes, the reactions are based in fear — either something bad happened that we don’t want to repeat, or we’ve been told something bad will happen, so we don’t want to do it. Over time, those fears can grow, wrap around and engulf us. And just like the computer and power cables, the fears are not really tied to anything useful anymore and can be thrown out.

I have found that the biggest challenge individuals and businesses have towards achieving their goals has to do with their capacity to change. And that capacity to change is largely limited by the level of varieties of fear which have been built up over time. It is not easy to get rid of these unnecessary fears. You have to identify them, you have to see if they have any validity and if not, mentally, emotionally and organizationally toss them aside. And, often, you can’t be really sure you are right until you actually do let go. That takes a leap of faith and is, in itself, scary.

The first step, however, is to be curious about how many of your actions or inactions are based more on fear than confidence. Then, perhaps you can begin to unravel them.

Now, where did I put my cell phone cord? It just hope it didn’t make it’s way to the basket!

Wallpaper Blues

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I’ve spent the past two weekends removing wallpaper from our living room. The living room is one of two remaining rooms with wallpaper and this process is part of my new year’s resolution to be more proactive around the house.  Of course, I wasn’t as proactive as I could have been.  I casually mentioned that I needed to get to the wallpaper in the living room, and it was my daughter who spotted a peeling section in one corner and asked if she could tear it off that got the whole thing going.
 
About twenty five years ago, I spent some time at my sister’s house tearing down wallpaper and swore I would never do it again.  It is a slow, tedious process, especially when the installer decides to lather on the glue so that either the wallpaper would never come off, or you have to take part of the wall with you when you remove the wallpaper. Then there is the top part of the wallpaper which is impervious to steam or enzyme or vinegar or whatever tool you use to try to melt the glue.  You then end up having to remove the wallpaper twice; removing the top layer, then the bottom layer. 
 
So, the best way to remove wallpaper is to realize it is going to take some time, put on some of your favorite music and have a little patience.  All the while, try not to think about all the varieties of torture you’d like to inflict on the individuals who put the wallpaper up in the first place.  Instead, think about how nice the room will look when it’s all done and painted.
 
For three days over two weeks, I’ve fired up the stereo, cranked up the steamer and went at it, steamin’ and peelin’ to Eric Clapton, Elmore James, Magic Sam and a little Dead, Decemberists and Arcade Fire for variety.  And, if you just realize that the only thing between you and a completed room is a little time, you can make it through.
 
The hardest part of change is not creating new habits; it’s removing the old ones first.  Those old habits have become, in a sense, hardened wallpaper, impervious to penetration.  They can only be removed with concentrated effort and persistence.  Because, habits, like wallpaper, have become fixtures in our mental rooms.  They are how we see the world and how we react to it.  Some of that mental wallpaper was put up a long time ago; others we have learned recently.  Often, we forget that it is only wallpaper, we think it’s part of the structure itself and that if we tear it down, the whole house will crash in.
 
The real limitations to becoming the person we want to be or the company we want to be a part of, is not as much the lack of talent, time or resources as it is our ability to change our mental models of the world; indeed, our mental models of ourself.  If we take the time, and have patience with ourselves, our ability to strip down the wallpaper can either reveal something new and wonderful or reveal something which is crumbling and needs to be fixed; either way, you will be able to see yourself if a new and honest light.
 
Proving for the peeling sections of your mental wallpaper can take either self-contained introspection or, like me, the assistance of someone (your daughter? your spouse? your friend?) helping you identify those blind spots with you. Be open to the possibility that what you think is rock solid is only paper thin and with a little effort, patience and, perhaps some Chicago blues, can be torn away.
 
That’s something to sing about.
 

 

The Uninvited

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I think one of the reasons that the holidays bring both joy and stress to our lives is that it is the one time of the year when even the Scroogest of us finds some kernal of emotion to chew on for a few months. Some of those emotions are based on anticipation of reuniting with families and friends (and of course, giving or receiving gifts), some are emotions based on past holiday experiences.  Those emotions are good or bad (we can remember holiday scenes which evoke sadness or anticipate the holiday future with dread as much as joy).  And most times, there are conflicting emotions (such as, for many of us, when we enjoy the season but hold a small pain of loss in our hearts for those who have passed on).
 
To me, the reason emotions take such a hold on us during this time of the year is that we celebrate the ending of things, the beginning of things and things which live beyond time.  Indeed, the holiday season reminds us that what is permanent in us is not what we hold on to, but what we break through to become.  And a lot of the negative emotions we feel are come from our own feelings of inadequacy or inablity to change.
 
Therefore, when you invite your friends or your relatives or your memories to your holiday table, don’t forget to invite someone who you most likely have neglected these past eleven months:  yourself. We all spend too much time criticizing ourselves for what we should be doing or should have done or who we are or who we aren’t. Take a break this season and offer yourself the simple gift of redemption for the coming year.  Acknowledge, if only for a moment, that under these holiday lights, everything about you is OK.  And, since your future hasn’t happened yet, that’s OK too.  So the only thing can prevent you from who you want to be is the boulder of negative thoughts of yourself you carry around that gets heavier with every year. Invite yourself the opportunity to stop the internal critic, set the boulder down and walk confidently into the new year.
 
Now there’s something to celebrate.